


I fell in love with the world in you

by deariemate



Series: Season 3 shorts [1]
Category: Once Upon a Time (TV)
Genre: Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, F/M, old fics, when we knew neal was dying but didnt know anything else about s3
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-06-25
Updated: 2017-06-25
Packaged: 2018-11-19 00:59:45
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 3,694
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11302470
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/deariemate/pseuds/deariemate
Summary: Killian visits Emma after Neal's death. He later does something drastic, and Emma makes a decision regarding her feelings for him.





	1. One

**Author's Note:**

> This is one of a series of shorts I wrote during season 3.

She didn't speak to him at the funeral. She could only see him out of the corner of her eye, lurking in the distance. She was sure he was watching her, but she couldn't bring herself to look at him. She knew that she would only see pain in his eyes, a reflection of her own. As the service ended, Charming walked up to her, a look of understanding in his eyes as he saw the tears welling up in the corners of hers. "Let's go home, Emma. Come here, I've got you."

She held onto her father's arm as they walked silently home on that cold, misty winter day. She had said goodbye to Neal, finally. He had been her first love, the father of her child, an integral part of who she had become. But now she was forced to let him go. She didn't sleep that night. Her mind was a flurry of worries, fears, regrets, anger, sadness, grief...any emotion one could feel, all washing over her throughout the hours. As much as she didn't want her to, she let her mother stay awake with her. Mostly she would just sit with her, until she could feel the sobs aching to be let out, and she would collapse into her mother's arms again, exhausted from crying.

Snow cradled her daughter. "Shh, I've got you, Emma. I'm here."

* * *

 

Her son could always read her so well. Setting the cup of hot chocolate down on the table, he asked her if she was alright. "Yeah, kid. I'm okay I guess. Just sad." Henry wrapped an arm around her shoulders and pulled her into a hug. "It's okay, Mom. I'm here." Emma smiled up at her son, a spitting image of the man she had just lost. At the sight of him, the tears rose up hot within her cheeks again.

Time seemed to slow down. Since Neal's death, nothing suspicious had really happened in the town. Perhaps the witch was just buying her time, trying to think of a new plan of some sort. No matter, Emma welcomed the time off, if not but to have a moment to wrap her mind around what had happened. She still had not spoken to Killian since it happened. But he was always around, watching. Waiting. Until one evening, while David and Snow were over at Regina's with Henry, he paid her a visit.

Emma opened the door to him. He looked weary, worn, unsure of what to expect on the other side of the door. Just as he had the first time he visited her in New York. But this time, there was no smile stretching across his face.

"Emma. May I come in?"

She took a moments pause, and then nodded, stepping aside to let him in. They sat across from each other at the table, much like in her apartment back in New York. "What are you doing here?" she asked as she poured him a drink.

He responded, almost grateful that she had spoken first. "I just wanted to see how you were doing."

She took a gulp of the liquor, letting it burn down her throat. "Not good." Killian bit his lip. She watched him, could feel herself being drawn into his gaze...drowning in the deep blue pools of his eyes. He was wanting, she could tell. But there was something else there. She had never seen him look so...sad. He looked down and didn't look up at her again. He couldn't bring himself to. He twirled the glass around in his fingers, the amber liquid inside sloshing and swirling.

"He was certainly loved. And will certainly be missed by all."

"Sure."

"I know you must be concerned for Henry."

 _How did he know that? How did he always know what I'm thinking?_ Emma looked up at him now, unsure of what to say. She tried anyway, trying to ease into the familiar comfort it usually was to have a conversation with him. "He doesn't even know who Neal was."

"Aye, but he will, someday. And he'll know that his father died a hero."

She knew he was trying to make her feel better, but thinking about all of this was sending a shooting pain through her head, or perhaps it was the liquor. Either way, she knew what she had to do. "Listen, Hook. I really don't know what to say. And anyway I don't particularly feel like talking anymore. I think you should go."

For a moment, he said nothing. He took the final swig of his drink, and then laying the glass down, got up from the table. Emma didn't look up him, but instead down at the glass between her palms. He walked over next to her. She could feel his presence there, but couldn't make herself turn to look at him. But even so, she could feel his hand resting on her shoulder, and the light pressure of a kiss on the top of her head. She closed her eyes and sighed. When she opened them, she noticed that he had slipped a note onto the table in front of her.

Before he walked out the door, he said, "...I'm here if you need me, love."

In that moment, her heart was so full of hurt and anger that there was no room left for sympathy, for herself or anyone else.

"I don't."

She regretted the harsh words before they even left her mouth. Even though she wasn't looking at him, she could feel his searing pain from across the room, until it vanished behind the door with him. She turned the note over in her hands, and then set it back down without opening it.

Later that evening, she thought of him and their encounter. He didn't deserve that. All he had tried to do was make her feel better, to be her friend. But she knew he wanted more than that...he wanted her heart. Something that was already so battered and bruised. Why ever would anyone want it? Was it even worth anything anymore?

_"When I win your heart...if it can be broken, that means it still works..."_

Emma was not denying to herself that her feelings for him were real, more real than anything she'd ever felt. But she knew in her heart that she was scared. Because every time she'd given away a piece of her heart to others, it would die along with them. She didn't want that to happen with him. She was afraid of losing him, too. Better to keep him at arms length. She needed to salvage what little was left of her heart.

* * *

 

The next morning, she awoke to the sound of people talking in the kitchen.

_"We have to tell her..."_

_"...don't know where he is..."_

_"...scared..."_

Emma creaked open her bedroom door, and walked out to find her parents and Regina. They froze upon seeing her.

"What's going on?" Emma asked fervently, looking around the room.

Charming tried to speak up first. "Emma, something's happened-"

"Where's Henry?!" She asked, voice raising. Regina stepped up to her. "It's okay. It's not Henry. He's safe."

A sigh of relief came out of her mouth, until the realization hit her. She looked back and forth between her parents, who could do nothing but look at her with sadness and fear in their eyes. Emma looked her father in the eye. "What's going on?!"

Charming swallowed and looked back at his daughter. "The witch tried to take Henry's heart, but she couldn't because of the protection spell. But..."

"But WHAT?" Emma's chest was rising and falling faster now, her fear of whatever her father would say next rising within her.

"...but Hook, he...he told the witch to take his instead."

All at once, Emma felt like she was going to throw up, or start crying, or explode. What has he done? "Where the hell is he now?" she managed to say.

Her mother spoke up, finally. "We don't know. He's missing."

Emma pushed past Regina and walked over to the door, grabbing her red leather jacket and swinging it on. Before she left, she picked up the note that Hook had left her the night before. "And where do you think you're going?" Regina asked.

"I'm gonna go find him. It's what we do in this family." And with that, the Savior walked out the door, turning just in time for them not to see the tears that had begun trailing down her face.

She stopped there in the hallway to read his note. She let the tears fall as it began:

 

_My dearest Emma,_

_I know that you feel lost, confused, scared. As am I, as are we all. But you must know, no matter what happens, you will be alright. You're bloody brilliant, amazing. There is nothing you cannot do. And I shall always love you for that. Yes, love. It's best that I just come out and say rather than skirt around it so often. Who knows what will happen to me. But should anything happen, I've got this one chance to say it. I love you. I fell in love with the world inside of you, behind your eyes and within your heart. How I wish I was with you at this moment, my dearest friend. Emma Swan, do not be afraid. I shall always be here for you. Always. Even if you reject me a thousand times in a thousand lifetimes, I shall still love you. If no one is standing beside you, be still, love, and know that I will. If you are afraid, I will stand with you. If you cannot see which direction to go, and forget who you are, I will be there to remind you. As you have always done for me. I am eternally grateful to you for everything you have done for me. Above all, you gave me hope when I thought all was lost. Come and find me if you need me. I'll be waiting. Yours,_

_KJ_

Emma wiped the tears from her face, and placing a kiss to the parchment, folded it and put it in her pocket for safe keeping. All she could think of was the last words she had spoken to him. _I don't need you._ She was so stupid. So so stupid. If anything happened to him because of this, she would never forgive herself. She knew in that moment that there was no going back now. That only left one option. Find him. Bring him **home.**


	2. Two

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Will Emma find Killian in time?

She ran out of the apartment, and made her way into the woods. She shouted for him, and kept her weapon close by, knowing full well that these woods were probably the most dangerous place to be right now. She heard a shuffling behind her, and when she turned around, he was there. She sighed in relief and walked toward him.

"God, Hook. Are you okay?"

He just looked at her. He looked like he wanted to say something, like something was aching to get out of him, but nothing came.

"What's wrong with you? Tell me what's wrong."

A shrill, accented voice spoke from behind her. "He can't, dear. Not unless I tell him to."

Emma spun around and finally, saw her. The witch.

Her brows furrowed in confusion. "You...Zelena...You're the witch?"

Emma turned to face Killian again. She whispers to him, "She's controlling you, isn't she?"

He doesn't nod, but confirms her suspicion with his eyes. _Yes. I'm sorry, love._ Emma stood in front of him protectively.

"Give it back."

Zelena laughed, setting Emma on edge. "Oh no, I don't think I can do that."

"What do you want with it anyway? And why'd you go after Henry?" Emma asked, voice growling with anger.

"It's not his heart I want you stupid girl," the witch said as she made her way towards the savior, "I want yours."

Emma stepped back and tried to understand. The witch could see her confusion, and continued. "Your heart is the product of true love, the most powerful force in all the realms. I need its power to complete my revenge."

"You can't have anything until you give him his heart back," Emma said.

"Hah!" the Witch laughed. "And why on earth would I do that?"

Without skipping a beat, Emma answered, "because you can take mine instead."

Killian's eyes pleaded with her, his fists curled in at his sides with anger. _Don't you dare, Swan. Don't do something rash._

The Witch sighed. "Tsk, tsk, foolish girl. How daft do you think I am? I can't take your real heart. It can't be taken. Luckily for me, you keep some of it with your boy. Then I realized that my sister protected his heart. I thought all was lost, until this one here," she said pointing to Killian, "was just dumb enough to fall right into my trap. It's not what I had originally wanted, but he'll do just fine."

"No, you can't-" Emma started, but the sound of Killian screaming stopped her. Zelena had pulled his heart out from under her cloak and was squeezing it. Emma fell to the ground in front of him where he had collapsed, holding his shoulders up, choking back tears.

"No, no, no..." She cried.

"Emma, you have to go," he gasped.

"Not a chance."

The pain subsided for a moment, long enough for him to look at her, really look at her. Her eyes spoke into his. _I'm so sorry._

He cried out in pain again, clutching at his chest, heaving and gasping for air, trying to fight against the clutch of the witch. Emma watched, helpless. Images of Graham dying in her arms flashed through her mind, then the sight of Henry lying dead on the hospital table, and then Neal...

"NO." She yelled. "It's not supposed to end like this!"

Emma flung herself from the ground and charged at the witch. "Let him go!"

As she swung her sword, the witch vanished into a green cloud of smoke. Killian's screams subsided from behind her. He was attempting to sit up now. Emma had stopped the witch long enough to make her stop crushing his heart.

"Emma," he choked out. "Love, you have to get out of here."

"I'm not going anywhere without you."

His eyes lit up with fear suddenly. "Emma, look out-"

She felt her body stiffen. She tried to move, but she was frozen still from her shoulders to her feet. So was Killian. Emma could feel the presence of the witch nearby. A moment later, the witch was behind her, laying Emma's head on her shoulder, and holding up the shiny pointed edge of a blade to her neck. Her hot breath made Emma writhe beneath the spell.

"You pathetic excuse for a savior. You can't defeat me. Wicked always wins."

Emma struggled against her, but with no luck. Killian watched on, terror etched across his face. The witch looked down at him as she held Emma close.

"How does it feel, pirate? Knowing that the woman you love is about to die, and there's not a thing you can do about it."

Laughing, the witch turned her attention back to Emma. "And what about you, savior? If you could even call yourself that. You're no savior. You're nothing but a lost girl, an orphan, destined to be alone and afraid for the rest of your miserable life."

The words bore into Emma's spirit. She tried to push them away but the thoughts invaded her mind and ate away at any courage she had left. _Don't listen to her Emma, she's lying._ The witch continued, seething.

"You couldn't save your son, your family, or the man you love. You can't even save yourself."

Emma's eyes flew open as the fear collided into her, leaving her defenseless. _No, No,_ she thought. _I was supposed to save them...bring back the happy endings...they need me and I've let them down...I've let him down..._

Zelena could feel Emma relaxing against the spell, no longer fighting back. A grin crept onto her face, victorious.

"Well, pirate," she said, looking at Hook again, "This is it. Any last words?"

Tears were running down his face as he struggled against the spell. Then his face turned from fear to anger.

In a deep, unforgiving growl, he said, "You're no match for Emma."

And Emma, who had almost completely given up her resolve to fight, to live, could feel a new strength welling up within her, stronger than anything she'd ever felt. _Hope._

"Excuse me?" The Witch sneered. "It's a little late for that, dear. She chose love. And just like my mother always taught: love is weakness. Now, where were we-"

As the witch spoke, Emma had closed her eyes, summoning as much of her magic as she possibly could. She could feel it, rising up, bubbling, boiling at the surface, until- In a flash of golden light, the freezing spell was lifted, sending a wave from within her, rippling out and around the three of them.

The witch fell to the ground, stunned. The spell lifted off of Killian as she hit the ground. He fell forwards, and then looked up at Emma with a sly smile. _There's my girl._

Zelena tried to move, but was frozen still by her own spell, which had transferred back to her after Emma's blast of magic.

"What?" she whispered to herself. "How could this be?"

Emma walked over to her, eyes bright, righteous anger boiling within her. She picked up her sword and held it at the ready. "You were wrong, Zelena."

She stole a glance at Killian, who nodded her to continue.

"I'm not an orphan. Not anymore. I'm not lost. Not anymore. And I am the savior. I always have been."

"Pl-please, have mercy," the witch implored.

"Sorry," Emma noted. And mustering up as much of her courage as she could, and in the truest sense, just like her own mother, she said, "This is my life and I will fight for it!"

The blade slammed into Zelena, who cried out in anguish. Her wound began to sear outwards, and her skin turned to ash, floating away with each blow.

"That was for my parents," Emma growled. She raised the sword again, and brought it down upon the witch.

"This is for Neal, and my son!" She raised the sword again.

"And this," she said, raising the sword higher, "this is for Killian!"

With one final blow, the sword crashed into the witch, who's eyes flared open as she gasped for breath. Her cries were muffled by the swirl of green smoke lifting up from within her, and as she let out her last breath, the rest of her body crumbled and floated away with the smoke.

She was gone. In her place lay the sword, and a heart. His heart.

Emma picked up the heart and held it close. Everything was silent for a moment. Her chest was heaving, heart beating rapidly, ears ringing. All was quiet, until he spoke her name.

"Emma?"

She turned to face him. There he was, across the clearing from her. He was here, he was alive.

"Hook."

They closed the space between them, enveloping each other in an embrace. They held each other there on the battlefield for what felt like an eternity. Emma buried her face in his chest, feeling the rise and fall of his breathing. And then she remembered...

She held out his heart in between them. He looked down at her, and held her hand as she pressed it into his chest with a magical glow of amber, past flesh and bone. He inhaled sharply as it settled back into its home within him.

"Thank you," he said, grazing her jaw with his thumb. "Emma..."

His lips crashed into hers in passionate fury, the light and warmth and love of it all, rising between them as they wrapped their arms around each other, pulling each other as close as two people could possibly be.

They rested their foreheads together. When they finally caught their breath, he said, "I'm so sorry, love."

She looked up at him. "What are you sorry for? For saving Henry and sacrificing yourself for me? No. I'm the one who should be apologizing. I shouldn't have said those awful things to you or treated you the way I did before. I guess I was just scared...but that fear was nothing compared to what it felt like when I realized I could have actually lost you."

He pulled her head down to his chest and cradled her there, planting kisses onto the top of her head. "Shh, love. I've got you. I'm here now...you saved me. I knew you would."

Emma laughed a little bit to herself. "That's kind of our thing, huh? Saving each other."

"Aye, it surely is."

Emma pressed her ear to his chest. It was warm and his heart was beating and he was here and alive and hers.

"I love you, Emma Swan." She raised her head again to look into his eyes, deeper than the ocean blue. She had never felt anything like this before.

This is it, she thought. This man, who had fought so hard to win her heart, who had proven to her over and over again that he wasn't going anywhere, was still here. And she knew in her heart that he always would be.

_I fell in love with the world in you._

Fighting for each other, saving each other, encouraging each other...surely this was true love.

"I love you too, Killian." He traced her jaw again and smiled. "It's about bloody time, love." And they both laughed.

_Beautiful, magical girl. Handsome, selfless pirate._

"Well love," he said as he stepped to the side of her and held out his hand, "shall we head home?" Emma took his hand, intertwining their fingers together and holding tightly. And she was never going to let go of him again. She smiled. "I'm already there."


End file.
